a queer romance

at a place

far off, secluded

we stayed up

until wee hours

whispering secrets.

strangely lucky

how beautiful,

how comforting it is,

in hindsight

to realise

a few chapters

in my life

couldn't be written,

the way I once,

tried to write.  

maybe.

there are times when i get so hurt and disappointed i just want to give up on life and kill myself. but, then, i pause and think...maybe my life has a purpose, maybe i have to live to inspire someone who wants to die.

How I fell in Love!

"Oh! please. Love? It's there in the books to read. My ears will bleed if you continue this non-sense for one more minute".

"I read your blog. And your poetry. I never knew you would be so insensitive, practical and cold-hearted in real life".

I was at a strange phase of my life. My expectations from a romantic partnership were growing fast, and there were hardly any traces of fulfilment. I realised I had started to need more than just liking, more than just flirty texts, more than just chasing, more than just romance, and, perhaps, more than just love. I needed codependency, clinginess, madness, insecurities, inseparability, togetherness, foreverness. I needed to become irreplaceable, indispensable in someone's life. I needed to be needed.

“Life has seasons. And just like winter, summer will get here in time too, you know.”

“Hmm? Did you say something?” 

“Uh hun. I was only looking through the window”.

And, then, one day, I met him. In the most hopeless, dull settings ever. He seemed to me like those simple, observant types. Deep eyes. Powerful demeanour. Intelligent mind. Loving smile. In many ways, he was near perfect. Despite my strong interest in him, he saw a cold, iced version of my heart. I was cheerful, but not warm.

“what can I do for you, miss?”, he asked strongly, without saying a word.

“if you could invest in fantasy-fuelled, rose-colored glasses for us; may be, and create those ‘life's beautiful' vibes in my life?” my eyes requested.

I was not mad, not dreamy. Somewhere inside, I was deeply wishing for something meaningful and perpetual. I was failing to settle for the ordinary, temporary and transient. While everyone thought what I wanted was hard to understand and that my expectations were unreasonable, I think, he got me.

“Here, look in my eyes”, he said. “Would you believe me if I make a promise to you? I want you to know now that I want to be with you.” 

I have no idea why he liked me, why falling for him was so effortless, why getting him was so easy. I was just like other girls he would meet everyday and not talk to. I was ordinary. 

I took a deep breath, gathered all the courage in the world and asked him, "what kind of a woman do you want?"

He looked dreamily at the sky and then in my eyes, and said, “someone like you, exactly like you”.

If I lived my life the way I did just so I could get him like this one day, I feel I don’t want to change anything about it. I longed for gold and for silver, not knowing He had chosen a gem for me. 

“There will always be challenges before us”, he said with a smile. “If you and I are together, we can fight anything. Now look in my eyes and tell me, you are with me”.

“I am with you”, I instantly promised, “for this life and whatever comes next.”

Sometimes it takes years for people to figure out if they are or are not meant to be. If what they feel for someone is love or not. And sometimes, it is a matter of hours and seconds. I believe in love. I believe in magic. In miracles. I believe in many things that do not have any clear, objective explanation.

in the know.

I didn't believe them then,

when they felt I was the best;

I don't believe them now either,

when they shout I am the worst.

I know exactly what I am,

and what I am not. 

late night study. playful banter.

How could you copy it? I wrote it. It's mine. Ever heard of original work and copyrights?

Of course, it’s yours. So is everything else that’s mine.

fitness goals. handsome stranger.

I just saved your life, lady.

uh…thanks a lot. thank you so much.

i don’t want a thank you. I could do with a broad smile on your pretty face.

dimly lit cafe. great food.

stop saying that, would you? love doesn’t happen overnight. you’re amazing. we can have fun, sexy time together. just do not expect me to love you.